Perfectionism is controlling my life.

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I have been agonising over this first post for over a week now. Cycling through my mind “Will I get this post right? I need to get this perfect. No one will read this if it is not perfect. Don’t write anything, cause it won’t be perfect, and no one will read it.” This self talk constantly affects many, if not all, of my life. Fuck I’m tired … Eventually, though, I am biting the bullet, and putting fingers to keyboard. The blog is not fully designed, I don’t understand how to use WordPress and I’m not 100% clear on the direction of my writing, but here I am. I suppose that’s a little progress.

Passion, or even interest, for things has always been elusive. And over the years my interests have shifted. Cooking is still an interest, but I don’t get the same buzz that I used to get when I was a professional pastry chef. To nurture this old passion, I am dedicating a page on this blog to food. Don’t be surprised, though, if it is all sweets and baking – old pastry chef habits die-hard. I may finally get some use of all the food porn (aka cook books) that I have amassed.

The bulk of my writing will be my experiences and thoughts on identity, but specifically, masculinity in modern society/media, queer identity and race. For a long time, I have felt different from the status quo. Labels can be empowering, but in general I don’t like them. Labels do make some things easier though; my perspective is of an Australian of Chinese heritage, gay cis-man. Seeking belonging and community is part of human nature, and I will document my journey of finding my tribe and to celebrating my difference.

“I’m not right and I can’t get better.” This was the recurrent thought in my mind at the bleakest period of my depression 2 years ago. I am relatively better, right now, but my depression shades every aspect of my life. I think this is the main drive of writing this blog: to raise awareness of mental illness by sharing my personal experiences, reduce the social stigma and reach out to others challenged by mental illness. Isolation is deadly, perhaps I can create community here …

 

Feeling distressed? Please, see my “getting help now” tab at the top of the page. 

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5 responses to “Perfectionism is controlling my life.

  1. Hi Tim, I’m so excited to share this personal blog journey with you! You’re a beautiful writer and I’ll be checking back here very often. Sending you lots of love and good wishes for your project.

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  2. Any literary journey is intimidating, or, at least, it was for me when I first began my online journal (blog). Thanks for being open and honest, buddy. Cool entry. I hope you’re enjoying it thus far! Much love and naked hugs! 🙂

    Like

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